Sometimes, people choose to stay in a relationship due to the fact they have kids together. Sometimes, people stay in a relationship because they have a good sexual chemistry between them. Sometimes, people stay together because it's less expensive to stay than it is to break up. Remember the old song..."It's Cheaper to Keep Her." Hey, it does ring true in a few lives.
I spoke with a friend of mine earlier. She was just recently married. Well, at this point, she has been married for about 3 years. Before she married, she had several cars, a nice home for her and her children, a steady income, and more than a handful of people supporting her just because she is just simply a good person. She is a very sociable person, to say the least. So, she has lots of friends. Today, she is barely getting around in one car just recently purchased. She has come across many legal issues he is currently facing and has been for awhile. She has lost money due to having to get him out of jail several times. During their happier moments, she has found him a few decent paying jobs that he just could not maintain for whatever reasons, introduced him to family and close friends, and trusted her judgement while having him interact with those closest to her. Now, she is just glad to be rid of him. Of course, she loves him, but cannot afford to lose what little she has left. Now, she has the burden of a much bigger house and payments, making sure she is not in any more debt behind him, and ensuring that moving forward, she will take more time becoming acquainted with a man before making that final decision. She does not want to date right now. But, what do these men believe we should do while they are off doing whatever? I don't know, but I cannot do much. This friend of mine is currently seeking some good, cheap legal counsel for a divorce. I did tell her it is not her fault that he turned out to be this way. I let her know that it is just in some men. Grimy and selfish are just a few of the adjectives I'll use to describe such a creature. MEN: IF YOU CANNOT HELP A WOMAN...FINANCIALLY, MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, OR EVEN PSYCHOLOGICALLY SOMETIMES...JUST SAY SO. Let her make the decision if she wants to deal with that or not. Play fair. At least give her the option. We like options!
I have another friend who says she constantly stays on guard because she feels her significant other is just with her because they have children together.This friend states that she and her mate may be good and cordial with each other for about 4 days and then something happens that dissolves and sucks all the happiness out of the air between them. She blows up. Then, he blows up bc she is blowing up and he swears she has no reason to. FELLAS: IF U R WITH HER FOR THE KIDS...DO BOTH OF U A FAVOR BY LEAVING. This is not a healthy environment for children to be brought up into. Although, they are children, they can feel the tension in the air. They will feel like the way to be in a relationship with someone is to ignore them or just not talk to each other. They may even feel like screaming at each other...based upon what they've witnessed at home. Just like @Judge Judy stated once to a child in her courtroom..."A child does not know what goes on between their parents." And. that's the way it very well should be. They may feel the tension and stress levels increasing, however, if the two of you can be cordial with each other and keep the communication alive between you, while mentally removing yourselves from the equation, then MORE POWER TO YOU. Eventually, it wears thin. What may u ask? The acting wears thin. Once you realize it is not meant to be, then at some point, it is over. There will be no turning back for the two of you. It is at this point that either one or both of you need to realize it is no longer about you, rather it is about those children. Meanwhile, you can best believe that one of the two is gonna attempt to cheat. Apparently, if one does not want to be there, they will begin to exert behavioral patterns that SCREAM..."I WANNA LEAVE." One may begin to cheat, stay out all night, or just begin disrespecting the fact that they are STILL in a relationship....even though they do not wanna be. Until you leave that residence, or mutually agree that you can stay in the house so long as you are aware that the relationship is over, then you are still in a relationship...a failing one...but still in one to say the least. Do you children a favor by giving them the opportunity to experience beautiful relationships. I am positive this is a footstep you do not want your kids to follow.
Meanwhile, there are also those who believe that "sex' means everything. Don't get me wrong....Sex is a huge part of a relationship. But, it's not the biggest or the only part. Just because the sex is great, does not mean a great relationship will come of it. I guess it all depends on the type of relationship you desire. If you just want to see this person on your time and have no commitments, this may be ok. However, if you are thinking long term, I don't believe great sex is all that matters. Once the sex gets old, or becomes routine, then what else is there? And, even if the sexual chemistry between you never wears thin, then we must begin to ponder over more important things. How will the bills be paid? How will we care for the children (were there any in the picture)? Do you want your chilldren to meet the partner whose mean sex game is the only thing you have going between you? Are you able to have an intellectual conversation with this person? Do you trust each other? Is the sex enough to make you move in together? If you cannot trust each other, you cannot communicate well. If you cannot have an intellectual conversation with someone, then maybe you are on two totally different levels...whether it be educational or just upbringing. Although they say "opposites attract," I do believe somewhere down the line, intellect is important. I do want to be able to talk about something besides other people, football, basketball, rap, and the like. I'd like to get others' views on our economy, government, as well as some of our social issues. Give me some conversation. The right topic can put a smile on any woman's face. Talk about how the two of you can build together, continue to grow together, and improve each other's lives. At the end of the day, once the smoke clears, the only thing you will have left between the two of you after sex, is AIR. If that is enough for you to build upon, then be my guests by all means. Sex is just not a good enough reason to stay with someone.
"He pays the bills," others may say. While he is doing that, he is probably doing a few other things as well. There are some men who feel, "paying the bills" justifies them in their more promiscuous behaviors. I beg to differ. Now, for those women who feel the same, maybe this is the perfect relationship for you. However, for those of us that feel the breadwinner is not above the law...we see things a bit differently. This may be cool as an arrangement between two people who are not committed, but before long it also runs thin for women/men feeling they deserve so much more. If he/she pays all/most of the bills, one is probably out alot proclaiming work as an excuse. Although, work may just be what he/she is doing for the most part...eventually this may/may not lead to late nights out, or not coming home at all. There may be late night calls, unexpected texts, midnight errands to run. One may attempt to convince you that it comes along with the territory. It only comes with the territory if you allow it. While he/she is out making a living, one may feel left out at home, lonely, or unwanted. It is at these times the mind begins to wonder. "What is he/she out there doing?" "Why isn't he/she home yet?" "What has he/she got going on that I know nothing about?" Then, the attitudes kick in. Suddenly, tension is created every time he/she enters the premises. Now, the arguments come. He/she ignores one, all the while saying they don't want to hear it. Yeah, they don't want to hear about a situation they have created. The nerve of some...-But at the end of the day, one is still unhappy.
Personally, I'd rather pay my own bills and be happy, than to have someone else pay them while I sulk all day because we are not getting that QT.
These are just a few of the reasons random people give when asked the reason for staying in a relationship bringing unhappiness upon them. There are far more reasons of course. Far worse reasons, too, I'm sure. None of these justify unhappiness. Children are far too important to have them as pawns in a relationship. Please, let's spare them. And, maybe sex is a good enough for some to build upon, but not me. And, at the end of everyone's speech, I can pay my own bills and be happy dating whomever I choose. There are some of us who feel our happiness is way more important than whatever else is on the table.Without one being happy, you cannot fully expect to make another happy.Happiness is a choice. We can choose to stay in a sitauation making us unhappy. We can choose to deal with the recurring situation in a totally different way, so as not to make yet another attempt at insanity. Or, we can choose to not deal with it/he/she at all. Almost everything is a CHOICE. God did give us the gift of FREE WILL. We can will ourselves free from unhappiness, bondage, and so many other things. It is up to us to decide. Make a CHOICE.
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