There was once a time when young women were married straight out of high school. Their big plans were to marry a "So and So McIntyre," have their babies, stay at home, and just be a housewife...or, what some would like to call these days, " a homemaker." .Some women were happy with this outcome, These women were more than happy to stay at home and raise their children. In those days, the mothers were the educators, chefs, nurses, and the like. That is something that has yet to change-ALL the various roles the mothers play to their children. We continue to do this today with no problem. Maybe they were high school sweethearts, or put together by their "well-to-do" parents. Maybe since childhood they were groomed for each other. Or, perhaps, they just fell in love over a mere summer and decided that fate must have put them together. Before women could vote, we were giving birth to child after child for these men, as their wives. We were household matrons holding it down, with the children, household chores, meals, and the like. Marriage was the thing to do straight out of high school, unless you had big plans on becoming a career oriented woman-which may have you frowned upon by the good old townspeople. It was the same as having children out of wedlock back in those days. Children ran to Mommy for help with homework, dinner requests, finding their clean laundry for the week for school and church, etc. However the case, men were the sole providers and women took care of the household (which includes the children).
There was a study done which stated that while it was only 4% of the women in the households working, children's grades were better and we had a much higher rate of graduates. However, now that there are 51% of the women in households working, we have a much lower graduation rating. This could be due to the fact that in this day and age, there are more women working away from home while the men either don't work at all, work making less than their significant other, or there is none...(no man in the home, that is). And, while the women are away, the men either don't have the patience to teach the children, help them with their homework,don't care about the children's educations, or just too lazy to even try. Now, while there are some men that will sit down patiently with the children until they see improvements; there are also some that just cannot do it. The women are away and not being able to oversee what the children are doing once they are home from school. They are not home in time to check homework, or the results from the classwork done earlier that school day. The children may become left behind simply because as a mother, we may be a bit more concerned about grades, graduating, and the lessons being learned in school. And, again, while there are some fathers willing to take that extra time out to teach their children the mere difference between right and wrong, there may be even more mothers that have already come to that very same conclusion.While there are other mother just continuing to push their children to the intellectual limit, naturally. To some women, this way is a no-brainer. We as women may feel a particular way about someone else teaching our children. Not toward the teachers of course. They are just doing their jobs. Consider the stepmother, or the in-laws you do not get along with teaching your child one thing when you have either clearly taught them something else, or not at all. Yes, these parents still do exist.
What we need are more responsible decisions being made about who we choose to lie down with to have these children. We must better prepare ourselves for this "parenting thing." We must be mindful of whom we are choosing to be fathers, mothers, partners, and the like to our children. We also need REAL men to stand up and acknowledge the fact that the children were conceived by both parents, or have been in a household with two parents, whether biological or not, and therefore should receive love, care, guidance, and lessons from both parents. And, if you are the spouse without children, but choose to be in a household where there are some, then you need to brace yourself for this long ride. You are in the children's lives by spending time with their parent...unless the parent does not believe in these types of behaviors initially. And, if you choose to do so, you also choose whether their well-being is of any consequence to you. If you are there physically, then you should be there mentally. Try to be mentally prepared to be enlightened as well as to enlighten these children.
What we al-so need are for more mothers to be allowed to stay home with their children. This could possibly be a choice if the significant other makes enough income to cover the majority of the bills. This has to be a mutual decision, though. It has to be a decision made in the best interest of the children. We need more men with the frame of mind to take on a bit of responsibility. He doesn't mind as the children are getting the help they need at home and it is reflected in their grades. We need more men to be the providers in the household, as they were in an earlier day and age. These children need their mothers. And, although there are jobs allowing mothers to stay home, they probably are not offering enough or it may be some sales scam. Or, if the income permits, perhaps the father could either stay home and teach the children, or grab a part time gig in the meantime.
Back then, women were happy to just make and take care of babies for their men. They wanted marriage and kids. For some reason, women's lib just omitted the fact that we are still women...WE JUST WANTED TO VOTE...along with a few more rights. We never said let's grow a "Peter," and take on all that men do. Women still need to be taken care of. We want to be held, loved, and treated like a lady. Just because we may take care of the household doesn't mean we want to take it all on. And, if we agree to take on most of it, then we would more than appreciate it if you, as a man would take it upon yourselves to help out more with the children.
Nowadays, people have children by people they barely know. They do not look forward to getting married, mainly due to mistrust. They may meet each other and two months later, be expecting a baby, not knowing what to expect at all-not only from the other parent, but also from each other's families. Most couples don't make it past the club night-where they both just knew it was "magic." Some are just not cut out to raise children. People are afraid to get married because they are more afraid of divorce. And, some live by the motto, "It's Cheaper to Keep Her."
What happened to the men who actually asked you out on a date? Where did they go? Where are those that cannot wait to be tied down by their high school sweethearts? Where are the men that actually attempted to impress your father just so as to gain his blessing in order to court his daughter? Where are the men that were raised in house full of women that have more respect for women than some women themselves? Where are the men that feel like less of a man when they cannot provide? I truly believe women's lib has been misinterpreted. We do not wish to be men or man-like. We just want to be treated equally in society from certain aspects. I mean, it really made no sense for women not being allowed to vote. And, what we were screaming with women's lib was...WE ARE JUST AS INTELLIGENT AS MEN, IF NOT MORE SO. SO, WHY ARE WE NOT ALLOWED THE FREEDOM TO VOTE? And, even if we do not mind taking care of the household, we ALL appreciate a little help while doing so. We need to address this issue with the children because they are our futures. But, if there is no one willing to step up to the plate and teach these children, then, we are already giving up. These children didn't ask to be here. We brought them into this. The least we can do is ensure they get a fair chance at a good education.
And, mothers, we need to do whatever it is to get our children in check. If it takes a little extra help at home, then it shall be. Maybe we can get part time jobs in order to spend that little extra time with them during homework. Or, if you happen upon that special one that does not mind being with you and your kids, all while helping to teach them lessons, the difference between right and wrong, amongst other things, then you may have just lucked out! Otherwise, we as mothers will continue to be the nurses, chefs, firemen, teachers, and everything else to our children, while society blames us for the children's pitfalls, trauma, and dysfunctional behaviors. They also say, "Mama's baby, Daddy's maybe." This means the mother is always expected to be there no matter what. And, the Dad may be involved or not. Believe it or not, there are a chosen few men out there who will take on the full responsibility of raising their kids. I happen to know of a few. They are the poster children for good fathers. They are few and far between thus far.
And, if the pickings are truly no longer what some consider "slim," then again...WILL THE REAL MEN PLEASE STAND UP? Help nurture these children. Teach these children. Help provide food, clothing, and shelter for these children. Help us teach them life lessons. Give them hope. Let them know it's more important for them to be themselves than to be "cool." Tell them that peer pressure is a part of life and pressure busts pipes..but not in their case because they are built Ford Tough. Help them to see who they truly are and to believe in themselves regardless of what others may say or feel. Make them feel loved and let no one steal their childhood or joy for that matter. This is what life is all about. Let's live it to the fullest and take a bow to the REAL MEN STANDING!
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Thursday, June 6, 2013
The NERVE of U...
Good early morning, people. I pray that your past few weeks have been blissful, to say the least.Well, it is 3:16 am and I am still up. Just came from Da Back Porch reminiscing about various conversations and situations I have happened upon lately. I had so many topics in my head at one point that I almost went mad! I suppose I need to write things down more often. That way, I can keep my ideas fresh.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, as you may well know, I do not just believe in just bashing one sex any more than another on my blog. This is just the place where it all gets real and down to the nitty gritty...as my Aunt Jean used to say. So, here goes...
So, what I want to know is where is this magical kingdom where people can go live for free. I am talking about the sons and daughters who live with their parents, that are not asked to pay bills, but stay content with themselves living off of someone else's income.They want to be allowed to do everything in your house except pay a bill. They want to screw in your house, have parties, and invite others over while the house is not its cleanest. However, he/she pays NO BILLS! So, the only thing you need to be doing (as my child) in my household...is WHAT I SAY OR ASK OF YOU. Not only are they the brunt of this conversation, but as well are the significant others living with your mates, but continue to expect them to foot most of the bills because:
a) he/she may have had the place before you came along, so you may feel if they paid it before me, they
can darn well pay it while I am here..(Duh?...more people incur more bills at a residence.) And, this is not
rocket science, people.
b) or, he/she makes more than you, so you may feel he/she is responsible for most of the bills...(Ummm,
that is certainly not fair considering that person may also have some personal bills they pay outside of the
household bills), or,
c) he/she may feel entitled to being fully taken care of-(And, ladies/gents, that may be cool as long as the
person footing most of the bills is given a choice in the matter, and agrees to this).
d) or even, that his/her significant other, as an individual owes him/her versus the feeling the entire world
owes him/her
Then, there's the mothers/fathers that may go live with one of their grown children (not because they are sick, or handicapped) but rather for them not making a real effort in keeping a place to live of their own). In this situation, if the grown child has a significant other in the home, the tension in the home could expand. If the parent feels threatened at times, by the significant other, it could be for many reasons, including just sheer jealousy. However, it is for this particular reason that you must address this issue. The mother/father could have a sense of entitlement, whereas, he/she feels her child owes him/her. Whoops, there goes the bill paying out of the window. He/she feels this is his/her child's house and they should not be made to pay bills. This could cause a serious riff in the parent- child relationship. Or, even worse, it could cause a riff in the relationship between the couple....(because at the end of the day, they'll be there in the same house after the parent is gone). Unnecessary stressing is what this can lead to.
And, here we go with the couples who fall on hard times. For the ones that keep pushing forward, that is what it is, and I respect your gangsta. For the ones that may have to go live with a friend for awhile, all the while, no one is around attempting to get a job. The couple is not paying any bills. They may/may not spend their EBT in your home...on your families, but they don't have a problem hiding their food and snacks whenever they may sneak back in from the grocery store. Or, they may feel like if you don't speak about a bill, they cease to exist. (This is sooooo not true).
Let's get it together, people. This is beginning to get ridiculous! You cannot go live anywhere for FREE! Heck, where I live, you even pay to stay in a homeless shelter. Now, that is beyond me. We have dedicated mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, boyfriends, and girlfriends that are willing to take care of the household as long as they agree to these arrangements and are being fully appreciated. However, they should not have to do MOST of it or all alone. It's just not fair at all. We have to pay for electricity in order to see. We pay rent in order to have a roof over our heads. We pay a water bill in order to clean and drink. No one ever said this would be fun. But, the bottom line is it has to be done. BILLS MUST BE PAID!
Not to mention, if you take more pride in yourself and decide the best way to live is to pay your own way, you can make anything happen. AGAIN, take me to this magical place where you all are living for free. Take me to this magical place where you don't even have to do as much as lift a finger in your parents' homes or in anyone else's home for that matter. Have some home training. If not, at least have some respect and morals for yourself. Like I said before...."the nerve of u."
Well, ladies and gentlemen, as you may well know, I do not just believe in just bashing one sex any more than another on my blog. This is just the place where it all gets real and down to the nitty gritty...as my Aunt Jean used to say. So, here goes...
So, what I want to know is where is this magical kingdom where people can go live for free. I am talking about the sons and daughters who live with their parents, that are not asked to pay bills, but stay content with themselves living off of someone else's income.They want to be allowed to do everything in your house except pay a bill. They want to screw in your house, have parties, and invite others over while the house is not its cleanest. However, he/she pays NO BILLS! So, the only thing you need to be doing (as my child) in my household...is WHAT I SAY OR ASK OF YOU. Not only are they the brunt of this conversation, but as well are the significant others living with your mates, but continue to expect them to foot most of the bills because:
a) he/she may have had the place before you came along, so you may feel if they paid it before me, they
can darn well pay it while I am here..(Duh?...more people incur more bills at a residence.) And, this is not
rocket science, people.
b) or, he/she makes more than you, so you may feel he/she is responsible for most of the bills...(Ummm,
that is certainly not fair considering that person may also have some personal bills they pay outside of the
household bills), or,
c) he/she may feel entitled to being fully taken care of-(And, ladies/gents, that may be cool as long as the
person footing most of the bills is given a choice in the matter, and agrees to this).
d) or even, that his/her significant other, as an individual owes him/her versus the feeling the entire world
owes him/her
Then, there's the mothers/fathers that may go live with one of their grown children (not because they are sick, or handicapped) but rather for them not making a real effort in keeping a place to live of their own). In this situation, if the grown child has a significant other in the home, the tension in the home could expand. If the parent feels threatened at times, by the significant other, it could be for many reasons, including just sheer jealousy. However, it is for this particular reason that you must address this issue. The mother/father could have a sense of entitlement, whereas, he/she feels her child owes him/her. Whoops, there goes the bill paying out of the window. He/she feels this is his/her child's house and they should not be made to pay bills. This could cause a serious riff in the parent- child relationship. Or, even worse, it could cause a riff in the relationship between the couple....(because at the end of the day, they'll be there in the same house after the parent is gone). Unnecessary stressing is what this can lead to.
And, here we go with the couples who fall on hard times. For the ones that keep pushing forward, that is what it is, and I respect your gangsta. For the ones that may have to go live with a friend for awhile, all the while, no one is around attempting to get a job. The couple is not paying any bills. They may/may not spend their EBT in your home...on your families, but they don't have a problem hiding their food and snacks whenever they may sneak back in from the grocery store. Or, they may feel like if you don't speak about a bill, they cease to exist. (This is sooooo not true).
Let's get it together, people. This is beginning to get ridiculous! You cannot go live anywhere for FREE! Heck, where I live, you even pay to stay in a homeless shelter. Now, that is beyond me. We have dedicated mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, boyfriends, and girlfriends that are willing to take care of the household as long as they agree to these arrangements and are being fully appreciated. However, they should not have to do MOST of it or all alone. It's just not fair at all. We have to pay for electricity in order to see. We pay rent in order to have a roof over our heads. We pay a water bill in order to clean and drink. No one ever said this would be fun. But, the bottom line is it has to be done. BILLS MUST BE PAID!
Not to mention, if you take more pride in yourself and decide the best way to live is to pay your own way, you can make anything happen. AGAIN, take me to this magical place where you all are living for free. Take me to this magical place where you don't even have to do as much as lift a finger in your parents' homes or in anyone else's home for that matter. Have some home training. If not, at least have some respect and morals for yourself. Like I said before...."the nerve of u."
Friday, May 31, 2013
Don't Let That B Da Reason...
Sometimes, people choose to stay in a relationship due to the fact they have kids together. Sometimes, people stay in a relationship because they have a good sexual chemistry between them. Sometimes, people stay together because it's less expensive to stay than it is to break up. Remember the old song..."It's Cheaper to Keep Her." Hey, it does ring true in a few lives.
I spoke with a friend of mine earlier. She was just recently married. Well, at this point, she has been married for about 3 years. Before she married, she had several cars, a nice home for her and her children, a steady income, and more than a handful of people supporting her just because she is just simply a good person. She is a very sociable person, to say the least. So, she has lots of friends. Today, she is barely getting around in one car just recently purchased. She has come across many legal issues he is currently facing and has been for awhile. She has lost money due to having to get him out of jail several times. During their happier moments, she has found him a few decent paying jobs that he just could not maintain for whatever reasons, introduced him to family and close friends, and trusted her judgement while having him interact with those closest to her. Now, she is just glad to be rid of him. Of course, she loves him, but cannot afford to lose what little she has left. Now, she has the burden of a much bigger house and payments, making sure she is not in any more debt behind him, and ensuring that moving forward, she will take more time becoming acquainted with a man before making that final decision. She does not want to date right now. But, what do these men believe we should do while they are off doing whatever? I don't know, but I cannot do much. This friend of mine is currently seeking some good, cheap legal counsel for a divorce. I did tell her it is not her fault that he turned out to be this way. I let her know that it is just in some men. Grimy and selfish are just a few of the adjectives I'll use to describe such a creature. MEN: IF YOU CANNOT HELP A WOMAN...FINANCIALLY, MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, OR EVEN PSYCHOLOGICALLY SOMETIMES...JUST SAY SO. Let her make the decision if she wants to deal with that or not. Play fair. At least give her the option. We like options!
I have another friend who says she constantly stays on guard because she feels her significant other is just with her because they have children together.This friend states that she and her mate may be good and cordial with each other for about 4 days and then something happens that dissolves and sucks all the happiness out of the air between them. She blows up. Then, he blows up bc she is blowing up and he swears she has no reason to. FELLAS: IF U R WITH HER FOR THE KIDS...DO BOTH OF U A FAVOR BY LEAVING. This is not a healthy environment for children to be brought up into. Although, they are children, they can feel the tension in the air. They will feel like the way to be in a relationship with someone is to ignore them or just not talk to each other. They may even feel like screaming at each other...based upon what they've witnessed at home. Just like @Judge Judy stated once to a child in her courtroom..."A child does not know what goes on between their parents." And. that's the way it very well should be. They may feel the tension and stress levels increasing, however, if the two of you can be cordial with each other and keep the communication alive between you, while mentally removing yourselves from the equation, then MORE POWER TO YOU. Eventually, it wears thin. What may u ask? The acting wears thin. Once you realize it is not meant to be, then at some point, it is over. There will be no turning back for the two of you. It is at this point that either one or both of you need to realize it is no longer about you, rather it is about those children. Meanwhile, you can best believe that one of the two is gonna attempt to cheat. Apparently, if one does not want to be there, they will begin to exert behavioral patterns that SCREAM..."I WANNA LEAVE." One may begin to cheat, stay out all night, or just begin disrespecting the fact that they are STILL in a relationship....even though they do not wanna be. Until you leave that residence, or mutually agree that you can stay in the house so long as you are aware that the relationship is over, then you are still in a relationship...a failing one...but still in one to say the least. Do you children a favor by giving them the opportunity to experience beautiful relationships. I am positive this is a footstep you do not want your kids to follow.
Meanwhile, there are also those who believe that "sex' means everything. Don't get me wrong....Sex is a huge part of a relationship. But, it's not the biggest or the only part. Just because the sex is great, does not mean a great relationship will come of it. I guess it all depends on the type of relationship you desire. If you just want to see this person on your time and have no commitments, this may be ok. However, if you are thinking long term, I don't believe great sex is all that matters. Once the sex gets old, or becomes routine, then what else is there? And, even if the sexual chemistry between you never wears thin, then we must begin to ponder over more important things. How will the bills be paid? How will we care for the children (were there any in the picture)? Do you want your chilldren to meet the partner whose mean sex game is the only thing you have going between you? Are you able to have an intellectual conversation with this person? Do you trust each other? Is the sex enough to make you move in together? If you cannot trust each other, you cannot communicate well. If you cannot have an intellectual conversation with someone, then maybe you are on two totally different levels...whether it be educational or just upbringing. Although they say "opposites attract," I do believe somewhere down the line, intellect is important. I do want to be able to talk about something besides other people, football, basketball, rap, and the like. I'd like to get others' views on our economy, government, as well as some of our social issues. Give me some conversation. The right topic can put a smile on any woman's face. Talk about how the two of you can build together, continue to grow together, and improve each other's lives. At the end of the day, once the smoke clears, the only thing you will have left between the two of you after sex, is AIR. If that is enough for you to build upon, then be my guests by all means. Sex is just not a good enough reason to stay with someone.
"He pays the bills," others may say. While he is doing that, he is probably doing a few other things as well. There are some men who feel, "paying the bills" justifies them in their more promiscuous behaviors. I beg to differ. Now, for those women who feel the same, maybe this is the perfect relationship for you. However, for those of us that feel the breadwinner is not above the law...we see things a bit differently. This may be cool as an arrangement between two people who are not committed, but before long it also runs thin for women/men feeling they deserve so much more. If he/she pays all/most of the bills, one is probably out alot proclaiming work as an excuse. Although, work may just be what he/she is doing for the most part...eventually this may/may not lead to late nights out, or not coming home at all. There may be late night calls, unexpected texts, midnight errands to run. One may attempt to convince you that it comes along with the territory. It only comes with the territory if you allow it. While he/she is out making a living, one may feel left out at home, lonely, or unwanted. It is at these times the mind begins to wonder. "What is he/she out there doing?" "Why isn't he/she home yet?" "What has he/she got going on that I know nothing about?" Then, the attitudes kick in. Suddenly, tension is created every time he/she enters the premises. Now, the arguments come. He/she ignores one, all the while saying they don't want to hear it. Yeah, they don't want to hear about a situation they have created. The nerve of some...-But at the end of the day, one is still unhappy.
Personally, I'd rather pay my own bills and be happy, than to have someone else pay them while I sulk all day because we are not getting that QT.
These are just a few of the reasons random people give when asked the reason for staying in a relationship bringing unhappiness upon them. There are far more reasons of course. Far worse reasons, too, I'm sure. None of these justify unhappiness. Children are far too important to have them as pawns in a relationship. Please, let's spare them. And, maybe sex is a good enough for some to build upon, but not me. And, at the end of everyone's speech, I can pay my own bills and be happy dating whomever I choose. There are some of us who feel our happiness is way more important than whatever else is on the table.Without one being happy, you cannot fully expect to make another happy.Happiness is a choice. We can choose to stay in a sitauation making us unhappy. We can choose to deal with the recurring situation in a totally different way, so as not to make yet another attempt at insanity. Or, we can choose to not deal with it/he/she at all. Almost everything is a CHOICE. God did give us the gift of FREE WILL. We can will ourselves free from unhappiness, bondage, and so many other things. It is up to us to decide. Make a CHOICE.
I spoke with a friend of mine earlier. She was just recently married. Well, at this point, she has been married for about 3 years. Before she married, she had several cars, a nice home for her and her children, a steady income, and more than a handful of people supporting her just because she is just simply a good person. She is a very sociable person, to say the least. So, she has lots of friends. Today, she is barely getting around in one car just recently purchased. She has come across many legal issues he is currently facing and has been for awhile. She has lost money due to having to get him out of jail several times. During their happier moments, she has found him a few decent paying jobs that he just could not maintain for whatever reasons, introduced him to family and close friends, and trusted her judgement while having him interact with those closest to her. Now, she is just glad to be rid of him. Of course, she loves him, but cannot afford to lose what little she has left. Now, she has the burden of a much bigger house and payments, making sure she is not in any more debt behind him, and ensuring that moving forward, she will take more time becoming acquainted with a man before making that final decision. She does not want to date right now. But, what do these men believe we should do while they are off doing whatever? I don't know, but I cannot do much. This friend of mine is currently seeking some good, cheap legal counsel for a divorce. I did tell her it is not her fault that he turned out to be this way. I let her know that it is just in some men. Grimy and selfish are just a few of the adjectives I'll use to describe such a creature. MEN: IF YOU CANNOT HELP A WOMAN...FINANCIALLY, MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, OR EVEN PSYCHOLOGICALLY SOMETIMES...JUST SAY SO. Let her make the decision if she wants to deal with that or not. Play fair. At least give her the option. We like options!
I have another friend who says she constantly stays on guard because she feels her significant other is just with her because they have children together.This friend states that she and her mate may be good and cordial with each other for about 4 days and then something happens that dissolves and sucks all the happiness out of the air between them. She blows up. Then, he blows up bc she is blowing up and he swears she has no reason to. FELLAS: IF U R WITH HER FOR THE KIDS...DO BOTH OF U A FAVOR BY LEAVING. This is not a healthy environment for children to be brought up into. Although, they are children, they can feel the tension in the air. They will feel like the way to be in a relationship with someone is to ignore them or just not talk to each other. They may even feel like screaming at each other...based upon what they've witnessed at home. Just like @Judge Judy stated once to a child in her courtroom..."A child does not know what goes on between their parents." And. that's the way it very well should be. They may feel the tension and stress levels increasing, however, if the two of you can be cordial with each other and keep the communication alive between you, while mentally removing yourselves from the equation, then MORE POWER TO YOU. Eventually, it wears thin. What may u ask? The acting wears thin. Once you realize it is not meant to be, then at some point, it is over. There will be no turning back for the two of you. It is at this point that either one or both of you need to realize it is no longer about you, rather it is about those children. Meanwhile, you can best believe that one of the two is gonna attempt to cheat. Apparently, if one does not want to be there, they will begin to exert behavioral patterns that SCREAM..."I WANNA LEAVE." One may begin to cheat, stay out all night, or just begin disrespecting the fact that they are STILL in a relationship....even though they do not wanna be. Until you leave that residence, or mutually agree that you can stay in the house so long as you are aware that the relationship is over, then you are still in a relationship...a failing one...but still in one to say the least. Do you children a favor by giving them the opportunity to experience beautiful relationships. I am positive this is a footstep you do not want your kids to follow.
Meanwhile, there are also those who believe that "sex' means everything. Don't get me wrong....Sex is a huge part of a relationship. But, it's not the biggest or the only part. Just because the sex is great, does not mean a great relationship will come of it. I guess it all depends on the type of relationship you desire. If you just want to see this person on your time and have no commitments, this may be ok. However, if you are thinking long term, I don't believe great sex is all that matters. Once the sex gets old, or becomes routine, then what else is there? And, even if the sexual chemistry between you never wears thin, then we must begin to ponder over more important things. How will the bills be paid? How will we care for the children (were there any in the picture)? Do you want your chilldren to meet the partner whose mean sex game is the only thing you have going between you? Are you able to have an intellectual conversation with this person? Do you trust each other? Is the sex enough to make you move in together? If you cannot trust each other, you cannot communicate well. If you cannot have an intellectual conversation with someone, then maybe you are on two totally different levels...whether it be educational or just upbringing. Although they say "opposites attract," I do believe somewhere down the line, intellect is important. I do want to be able to talk about something besides other people, football, basketball, rap, and the like. I'd like to get others' views on our economy, government, as well as some of our social issues. Give me some conversation. The right topic can put a smile on any woman's face. Talk about how the two of you can build together, continue to grow together, and improve each other's lives. At the end of the day, once the smoke clears, the only thing you will have left between the two of you after sex, is AIR. If that is enough for you to build upon, then be my guests by all means. Sex is just not a good enough reason to stay with someone.
"He pays the bills," others may say. While he is doing that, he is probably doing a few other things as well. There are some men who feel, "paying the bills" justifies them in their more promiscuous behaviors. I beg to differ. Now, for those women who feel the same, maybe this is the perfect relationship for you. However, for those of us that feel the breadwinner is not above the law...we see things a bit differently. This may be cool as an arrangement between two people who are not committed, but before long it also runs thin for women/men feeling they deserve so much more. If he/she pays all/most of the bills, one is probably out alot proclaiming work as an excuse. Although, work may just be what he/she is doing for the most part...eventually this may/may not lead to late nights out, or not coming home at all. There may be late night calls, unexpected texts, midnight errands to run. One may attempt to convince you that it comes along with the territory. It only comes with the territory if you allow it. While he/she is out making a living, one may feel left out at home, lonely, or unwanted. It is at these times the mind begins to wonder. "What is he/she out there doing?" "Why isn't he/she home yet?" "What has he/she got going on that I know nothing about?" Then, the attitudes kick in. Suddenly, tension is created every time he/she enters the premises. Now, the arguments come. He/she ignores one, all the while saying they don't want to hear it. Yeah, they don't want to hear about a situation they have created. The nerve of some...-But at the end of the day, one is still unhappy.
Personally, I'd rather pay my own bills and be happy, than to have someone else pay them while I sulk all day because we are not getting that QT.
These are just a few of the reasons random people give when asked the reason for staying in a relationship bringing unhappiness upon them. There are far more reasons of course. Far worse reasons, too, I'm sure. None of these justify unhappiness. Children are far too important to have them as pawns in a relationship. Please, let's spare them. And, maybe sex is a good enough for some to build upon, but not me. And, at the end of everyone's speech, I can pay my own bills and be happy dating whomever I choose. There are some of us who feel our happiness is way more important than whatever else is on the table.Without one being happy, you cannot fully expect to make another happy.Happiness is a choice. We can choose to stay in a sitauation making us unhappy. We can choose to deal with the recurring situation in a totally different way, so as not to make yet another attempt at insanity. Or, we can choose to not deal with it/he/she at all. Almost everything is a CHOICE. God did give us the gift of FREE WILL. We can will ourselves free from unhappiness, bondage, and so many other things. It is up to us to decide. Make a CHOICE.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
WORRYING ABOUT THE WRONG THING...
Hello, everyone. Hopefully, all the mothers out there had a fabulous Mother's Day weekend. Mine was ok to say the least. I did receive some white fresh roses, chocolate covered strawberries from Edible Arrangements, a card and a huge chocolate chip cookie cake acknowledging the day.
And, of course, I just came in from Da Back Porch, so my mind is a little less muddled now. In other words, I can think more clearly. There's nothing like going to Da Back Porch to speak with my neighbors. My neighbors are Spaniards. I would not have it any other way. They mind their business and, I reciprocate. I respect their "Gangsta." The feeling is mutual. Any time I have lived among Mexicans, I've had no issues. I am almost positive that this respected behavior stems from the fact that they have too much going on amongst themselves. This is the way more Americans should be. At some point, you have to believe that if you were to focus on your own issues and what you are trying to have going on, you would not have a split second in the day to worry about me.
So, today, I'll be touching on a few situations where one was focused more on the wrong thing than the issue at hand. This way of thinking could slow down progress, hinder you from attaining some personal goals, and simply irritate the heck out of someone who tends to look at things from every perspective until they come up with a logical reason or an answer to an issue. Geesh! So, I work part time as a bartender at a strip club. And, I nor my boyfriend have an automobile. We get to work by way of taxis and close friends or neighbors when they come around. There is only one major taxi company here. However, I took it upon myself to call another small taxi cab company due to the major one expressing their concern over coming to get me from this particular location. Well, of course, my boyfriend works at the same club as I. So, since he gets off after me, I usually call the taxi cab company as soon as I count my bar down. This particular night, the taxi took an extremely long time getting to us. So much so, in fact, that when the doors were locked, me and my significant other were still standing outside, while drizzling, waiting on our cab. Everyone else was gone. He begins to start mumbling under his breath about this being such a mishap. He then starts saying things with a little more depth to his voice. He continues to go on and on about how he cannot stand for our coworkers or even our late night patrons to see us out there WAITING on our ride. Then, he goes on to say he is not with this waiting and that there's no telling what our passers by are thinking of us. Again, he continues to mumble, "they probably talking about us...wondering why we don't have a car." First of all, I work hard every weekend to come up with money to pay the bills at my home. Second of all, I pay cabs to take me everywhere. I probably spend about $600 per month in taxi services. And, like I told him, "the very ones that you are worried about looking at us are probably the same ones trying to line up before 10:00pm in order to avoid paying an entry fee. They don't even have taxi fare so, I could care less what they think." In this particular situation, the only thing those people could do for me, with their judgmental looks, is motivate me to get a car. I am the least bit worried over what they are thinking. Just know that they'll be singing a different tune once I pull up in whatever model car I decide to own first. And, because I don't ever want to stand outside an establishment waiting on a ride again, I will be persistent in my searching. I guess when you get to a certain age, you really don't care how someone feels about you. I mean, let's be ADULTS here, what someone says about me does not make me or break me. All I could continue to think about
during this incident was that WE have a home to go to. I can recall a time when we did not have a home to rest at. Heck, some of the girls working at the club may not have a home to go to. Some of these people live in motels because their money is not guaranteed everyday and that seems to be a cheaper way out for them. (All utilities included). Sounds good, huh? Plus, Jesus was a sinless man; however, he was talked about profusely throughout the Bible...mostly by non believers and the like. But, Jesus held his head high through it all. He was crucified but sinless.
I have a few friends looking for a place to stay...(ironic seeing as tough we just touched on that subject matter). One of them is currently living in a hotel with all the amenities paying over $300 per week. So, I'd obtained a property list from my landlord for another friend. This friend is currently residing with another friend who has her hands full. Going through the list, I tell her he has (2) 3 bedroom houses for under $600 per month. One was $400 per month while the other was $525 per month. She begins asking where the houses were located, and whether they have heat or air included . I am thinking to myself...BUT RIGHT NOW, YOU HAVE NOWHERE ELSE TO GO! In my mind, I'm like, "you have to crawl before you walk." But, she was adamant about her sudden reservations. I would let some heaters or air conditioners run as long as my power bill didn't start resembling a hot air balloon. (Blown up). Well, I go visit the other friend in need of a place. I let him know about what I saw on the property list and the prices. I tell him that the highest rental reflected a $525.00 amount. He then says to me, "Nah, I wanna pay more like $700 per month. I say, "Are you serious?" Then, he begins to ask me where the properties are located. I tell him what I know. He is not satisfied. So, here comes my inner thinking mode. Why would you wanna pay more rent than you have to? He is literally spending over $1200 per month in that room. And, now you say you'd rather spend $700 per month than the $525? What kind of sense does that make? Some people do things to impress others. Don't let your mouth write a check your a$$ cannot cash.
People, remember that in this day and age, we (African Americans) are getting the short end of the stick, because most of the time WE ARE OUR OWN WORSE ENEMIES! They are worried about the wrong thing. They are so busy hating on the next man, that they block their blessings. Give someone a chance, people. Most people theses days do not want to turn another person on to something profitable for fear that that person will get ahead of them and forget who gave them a hand. One never knows ...the one person you put up on game, may turn around and put you on some bigger things. But, for the most part. people are envious and selfish. Put someone else on some game, and watch what happens. When you assume, you make an a$$ out of you and me. And, I am clean out of a$$ uniforms! (Smile). Let's get it together people! Put your game faces back on and kick a$$ first. Ask questions later. Rid your body of all envious spirits and that selfish ways of thinking. Whomever is your God, take it to him. I truly believe sometimes people just talk to hear themselves talk. No plot, no meaning, and no intentions...but to be heard. So, let us take a stand on the issue at hand: WORRYING ABOUT THE WRONG THING. We must show and prove. We can do whatever we want to do without worrying about the next person coming out on top. You should be proud of your friends and family during their rises to the top...not envious. We should celebrate when a loved one gets a promotion, a new job, a better car, a nicer home, and the like. Celebrate with them to let them know how happy you are for them and their good news. When you don't celebrate accomplishments during your life, God will allow it to slip away from you. He will remove that, just so it won't cause any confusion in your home life. We must become more focused on what WE ARE ATTEMPTING TO ACCOMPLISH. We need personal goals, people. Again, if we were to focus on what it is we are trying to do, we will not have a second in the day to worry about another's whereabouts and what not. It could improve our concentration skills as well as strengthen us as individuals on the whole. Not to mention. God does not like for us to worry bc He feels we are trying to do his job. What that reflects is a lack of faith. Faith is belief in things unseen. Let's not lose sight of what is more important. I'll worry about me and you do the same as for yourself. Giving one a chance may be the underlying reason that you make it to the next level later on. They may pull you up there with them. And, if not, you know you did your part in offering initially. You will be blessed for this deed as long as you did not do it begrudgingly. Stop worrying about other people so much. It will take its toll on you. I've seen it break up lasting friendships, kill a marriage, and threaten relationships to the hilt. So, we need to do better. Only if we KNEW BETTER....
#BACK PORCH BOUND
#needamomentlikeatwix
And, of course, I just came in from Da Back Porch, so my mind is a little less muddled now. In other words, I can think more clearly. There's nothing like going to Da Back Porch to speak with my neighbors. My neighbors are Spaniards. I would not have it any other way. They mind their business and, I reciprocate. I respect their "Gangsta." The feeling is mutual. Any time I have lived among Mexicans, I've had no issues. I am almost positive that this respected behavior stems from the fact that they have too much going on amongst themselves. This is the way more Americans should be. At some point, you have to believe that if you were to focus on your own issues and what you are trying to have going on, you would not have a split second in the day to worry about me.
So, today, I'll be touching on a few situations where one was focused more on the wrong thing than the issue at hand. This way of thinking could slow down progress, hinder you from attaining some personal goals, and simply irritate the heck out of someone who tends to look at things from every perspective until they come up with a logical reason or an answer to an issue. Geesh! So, I work part time as a bartender at a strip club. And, I nor my boyfriend have an automobile. We get to work by way of taxis and close friends or neighbors when they come around. There is only one major taxi company here. However, I took it upon myself to call another small taxi cab company due to the major one expressing their concern over coming to get me from this particular location. Well, of course, my boyfriend works at the same club as I. So, since he gets off after me, I usually call the taxi cab company as soon as I count my bar down. This particular night, the taxi took an extremely long time getting to us. So much so, in fact, that when the doors were locked, me and my significant other were still standing outside, while drizzling, waiting on our cab. Everyone else was gone. He begins to start mumbling under his breath about this being such a mishap. He then starts saying things with a little more depth to his voice. He continues to go on and on about how he cannot stand for our coworkers or even our late night patrons to see us out there WAITING on our ride. Then, he goes on to say he is not with this waiting and that there's no telling what our passers by are thinking of us. Again, he continues to mumble, "they probably talking about us...wondering why we don't have a car." First of all, I work hard every weekend to come up with money to pay the bills at my home. Second of all, I pay cabs to take me everywhere. I probably spend about $600 per month in taxi services. And, like I told him, "the very ones that you are worried about looking at us are probably the same ones trying to line up before 10:00pm in order to avoid paying an entry fee. They don't even have taxi fare so, I could care less what they think." In this particular situation, the only thing those people could do for me, with their judgmental looks, is motivate me to get a car. I am the least bit worried over what they are thinking. Just know that they'll be singing a different tune once I pull up in whatever model car I decide to own first. And, because I don't ever want to stand outside an establishment waiting on a ride again, I will be persistent in my searching. I guess when you get to a certain age, you really don't care how someone feels about you. I mean, let's be ADULTS here, what someone says about me does not make me or break me. All I could continue to think about
during this incident was that WE have a home to go to. I can recall a time when we did not have a home to rest at. Heck, some of the girls working at the club may not have a home to go to. Some of these people live in motels because their money is not guaranteed everyday and that seems to be a cheaper way out for them. (All utilities included). Sounds good, huh? Plus, Jesus was a sinless man; however, he was talked about profusely throughout the Bible...mostly by non believers and the like. But, Jesus held his head high through it all. He was crucified but sinless.
I have a few friends looking for a place to stay...(ironic seeing as tough we just touched on that subject matter). One of them is currently living in a hotel with all the amenities paying over $300 per week. So, I'd obtained a property list from my landlord for another friend. This friend is currently residing with another friend who has her hands full. Going through the list, I tell her he has (2) 3 bedroom houses for under $600 per month. One was $400 per month while the other was $525 per month. She begins asking where the houses were located, and whether they have heat or air included . I am thinking to myself...BUT RIGHT NOW, YOU HAVE NOWHERE ELSE TO GO! In my mind, I'm like, "you have to crawl before you walk." But, she was adamant about her sudden reservations. I would let some heaters or air conditioners run as long as my power bill didn't start resembling a hot air balloon. (Blown up). Well, I go visit the other friend in need of a place. I let him know about what I saw on the property list and the prices. I tell him that the highest rental reflected a $525.00 amount. He then says to me, "Nah, I wanna pay more like $700 per month. I say, "Are you serious?" Then, he begins to ask me where the properties are located. I tell him what I know. He is not satisfied. So, here comes my inner thinking mode. Why would you wanna pay more rent than you have to? He is literally spending over $1200 per month in that room. And, now you say you'd rather spend $700 per month than the $525? What kind of sense does that make? Some people do things to impress others. Don't let your mouth write a check your a$$ cannot cash.
People, remember that in this day and age, we (African Americans) are getting the short end of the stick, because most of the time WE ARE OUR OWN WORSE ENEMIES! They are worried about the wrong thing. They are so busy hating on the next man, that they block their blessings. Give someone a chance, people. Most people theses days do not want to turn another person on to something profitable for fear that that person will get ahead of them and forget who gave them a hand. One never knows ...the one person you put up on game, may turn around and put you on some bigger things. But, for the most part. people are envious and selfish. Put someone else on some game, and watch what happens. When you assume, you make an a$$ out of you and me. And, I am clean out of a$$ uniforms! (Smile). Let's get it together people! Put your game faces back on and kick a$$ first. Ask questions later. Rid your body of all envious spirits and that selfish ways of thinking. Whomever is your God, take it to him. I truly believe sometimes people just talk to hear themselves talk. No plot, no meaning, and no intentions...but to be heard. So, let us take a stand on the issue at hand: WORRYING ABOUT THE WRONG THING. We must show and prove. We can do whatever we want to do without worrying about the next person coming out on top. You should be proud of your friends and family during their rises to the top...not envious. We should celebrate when a loved one gets a promotion, a new job, a better car, a nicer home, and the like. Celebrate with them to let them know how happy you are for them and their good news. When you don't celebrate accomplishments during your life, God will allow it to slip away from you. He will remove that, just so it won't cause any confusion in your home life. We must become more focused on what WE ARE ATTEMPTING TO ACCOMPLISH. We need personal goals, people. Again, if we were to focus on what it is we are trying to do, we will not have a second in the day to worry about another's whereabouts and what not. It could improve our concentration skills as well as strengthen us as individuals on the whole. Not to mention. God does not like for us to worry bc He feels we are trying to do his job. What that reflects is a lack of faith. Faith is belief in things unseen. Let's not lose sight of what is more important. I'll worry about me and you do the same as for yourself. Giving one a chance may be the underlying reason that you make it to the next level later on. They may pull you up there with them. And, if not, you know you did your part in offering initially. You will be blessed for this deed as long as you did not do it begrudgingly. Stop worrying about other people so much. It will take its toll on you. I've seen it break up lasting friendships, kill a marriage, and threaten relationships to the hilt. So, we need to do better. Only if we KNEW BETTER....
#BACK PORCH BOUND
#needamomentlikeatwix
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
HALF-ASSEDNESS
So, it's 6:18am and I aM StiLL up. I have an appointment at around 8:30am. boy, I cannot miss a beat today. Just came in from Da Back Porch and boy do I feel great. Just taking in all that fresh air and the often mind blowing conversations we have on Da BaCK Porch...and sitting her thinking about something a friend posted on a social network a few days back. Yeah, I'm still gonna drop some knowledge on you even though I'm feeling a bit sleep deprived and anxious at the same time.
While I'm scrolling through my phone the other day, something just grabbed my attention and held it for awhile. So, a friend of mine posted some things about what she considers HALF ASSEDNESS. She did make a point to mention that she knows some people that are without power, but heir kids have Easter baskets. What this is referred to in my world is IRRESPONSIBILITY. While elaborating on this, she also mentioned how she grew up poor, in a household where her mother told her and her siblings that they could not afford Easter baskets, but you would be able to eat today. They were told NO at a young age. No one was spoiled there. There were no favorites. They had what they had and that was that. She elaborated on how some people will go broke for club outfits, while their kids are hungry for more knowledge. Some of their kids cannot read and write, count, or even attempt to try. She is tired of cleaning up your messes...U Non-Parents, you. For those of you feeding your man without a second thought about what your kids will eat, those that live beyond their means, and those that laugh at their children cursing at others, but dare them to curse at them...Please Clean Up Your Own Mess! Seriously, I encountered a similar situation. For those of you whose children know every rap song playing, but cannot recite their alphabet, as well as those of you who idly stand by while your children bully others, but cannot count past 10 (for children ages 6 and under)...Please Clean Up Your Mess. It's a bit ridiculous, people. We need to come together as a people to get things right. Our children are our futures. We cannot continue to let this go unnoticed!
So, while I was at Da Back Porch, I began to think of these horrible situations that these children must face when they are older. The behavior displayed by their parents is handicapping their development. This cannot go on. Perhaps if there were more after school programs available, this would be a moot point.
See, Da Back Porch has me seeing things in a whole new light. Once I get there, I begin to see things more clearly. That place helps me see things for what they really are. It's black and white in this place...No Gray Areas. My mind is freer. I can see now.
Take the blinders off, people. This is what life is all about. Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear. Almost everything stems from a perspective. When I am there, everything just seems to fall right into place. While my eyes roll to the back of my head, and I'm thinking more time has elapsed than it really has...I also stop to think about how it used to take a village to raise a child. Now, there are so many "politically correct" citizens around without children trying to tell those with children what to do, that parents are afraid to discipline their own children. What has this world come to? Someone calls Child Protective Services on you and My Word...you'll always be a hair away from them getting back in your lives and taking your children into custody. But, while that same parent is attempting to discipline their child the best way they know how, there is another rich parent too busy to tend to their own children. In that rich parent's home, the child is slicing their wrists night after night in agony just screaming for attention through the cutting process. NO one hears them, though. Hence, it is not reported because no one knows his/her pain and they won't share it with you for fear of losing the very last thing they have to hold on to...their SECRET.
Please bring our villages back to help raise our children today. Stop calling higher authorities to get involved without knowing full well of the abuse or neglect. Please let's take time out with our children to teach them better, feed them better, pay more attention, and lead by example. Stop relying on schools to teach them everything. Correct them when they speak broken English. Reprimand them when they curse. Teach them to be respectable. You do have to give a little to get a little, ya know.
Just stop with the HALF-ASSEDNESS! And, stop blaming others for your mishaps. We all make mistakes. And, that's cool. What's not cool is to realize this and continue along the same path. Fix it for Christ's sake. Let's get busy.
While I'm scrolling through my phone the other day, something just grabbed my attention and held it for awhile. So, a friend of mine posted some things about what she considers HALF ASSEDNESS. She did make a point to mention that she knows some people that are without power, but heir kids have Easter baskets. What this is referred to in my world is IRRESPONSIBILITY. While elaborating on this, she also mentioned how she grew up poor, in a household where her mother told her and her siblings that they could not afford Easter baskets, but you would be able to eat today. They were told NO at a young age. No one was spoiled there. There were no favorites. They had what they had and that was that. She elaborated on how some people will go broke for club outfits, while their kids are hungry for more knowledge. Some of their kids cannot read and write, count, or even attempt to try. She is tired of cleaning up your messes...U Non-Parents, you. For those of you feeding your man without a second thought about what your kids will eat, those that live beyond their means, and those that laugh at their children cursing at others, but dare them to curse at them...Please Clean Up Your Own Mess! Seriously, I encountered a similar situation. For those of you whose children know every rap song playing, but cannot recite their alphabet, as well as those of you who idly stand by while your children bully others, but cannot count past 10 (for children ages 6 and under)...Please Clean Up Your Mess. It's a bit ridiculous, people. We need to come together as a people to get things right. Our children are our futures. We cannot continue to let this go unnoticed!
So, while I was at Da Back Porch, I began to think of these horrible situations that these children must face when they are older. The behavior displayed by their parents is handicapping their development. This cannot go on. Perhaps if there were more after school programs available, this would be a moot point.
See, Da Back Porch has me seeing things in a whole new light. Once I get there, I begin to see things more clearly. That place helps me see things for what they really are. It's black and white in this place...No Gray Areas. My mind is freer. I can see now.
Take the blinders off, people. This is what life is all about. Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear. Almost everything stems from a perspective. When I am there, everything just seems to fall right into place. While my eyes roll to the back of my head, and I'm thinking more time has elapsed than it really has...I also stop to think about how it used to take a village to raise a child. Now, there are so many "politically correct" citizens around without children trying to tell those with children what to do, that parents are afraid to discipline their own children. What has this world come to? Someone calls Child Protective Services on you and My Word...you'll always be a hair away from them getting back in your lives and taking your children into custody. But, while that same parent is attempting to discipline their child the best way they know how, there is another rich parent too busy to tend to their own children. In that rich parent's home, the child is slicing their wrists night after night in agony just screaming for attention through the cutting process. NO one hears them, though. Hence, it is not reported because no one knows his/her pain and they won't share it with you for fear of losing the very last thing they have to hold on to...their SECRET.
Please bring our villages back to help raise our children today. Stop calling higher authorities to get involved without knowing full well of the abuse or neglect. Please let's take time out with our children to teach them better, feed them better, pay more attention, and lead by example. Stop relying on schools to teach them everything. Correct them when they speak broken English. Reprimand them when they curse. Teach them to be respectable. You do have to give a little to get a little, ya know.
Just stop with the HALF-ASSEDNESS! And, stop blaming others for your mishaps. We all make mistakes. And, that's cool. What's not cool is to realize this and continue along the same path. Fix it for Christ's sake. Let's get busy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)