REAL MEN...WILL U PLEASE STAND UP...

   There was once a time when young women were married straight out of high school. Their big plans were to marry a "So and So McIntyre," have their babies, stay at home, and just be a housewife...or, what some would like to call these days, " a homemaker." .Some women were happy with this outcome,  These women were more than happy to stay at home and raise their children. In those days, the mothers were the educators, chefs, nurses, and the like. That is something that has yet to change-ALL the various roles the mothers play to their children. We continue to do this today with no problem. Maybe they were high school sweethearts, or put together by their "well-to-do" parents. Maybe since childhood they were groomed for each other. Or, perhaps, they just fell in love over a  mere summer and decided that fate must have put them together. Before women could vote, we were giving birth to child after child for these men, as their wives. We were household matrons holding it down, with the children, household chores, meals, and the like. Marriage was the thing to do straight out of high school, unless you had big plans on becoming a career oriented woman-which may have you frowned upon by the good old townspeople. It was the same as having children out of wedlock back in those days. Children ran to Mommy for help with homework, dinner requests, finding their clean laundry for the week for school and church, etc. However the case, men were the sole providers and women took care of the household (which includes the children).
     There was a study done which stated that while it was only 4% of the women in the households working, children's grades were better and we had a much higher rate of graduates. However, now that there are 51% of the women in households working, we have a much lower graduation rating. This could be due to the fact that in this day and age, there are more women working away from home while the men either don't work at all, work making less than their significant other, or there is none...(no man in the home, that is). And, while the women are away, the men either don't have the patience to teach the children, help them with their homework,don't care about the children's educations, or just too lazy to even try. Now, while there are some men that will sit down patiently with the children until they see improvements; there are also some that just cannot do it. The women are away and not being able to oversee what the children are doing once they are home from school. They are not home in time to check homework, or the results from the classwork done earlier that school day. The children may become left behind simply because as a mother, we may be a bit more concerned  about grades, graduating, and the lessons being learned in school. And, again, while there are some fathers willing to take that extra time out to teach their children the mere difference between right and wrong, there may be even more mothers that have already come to that very same conclusion.While there are other mother just continuing to push their children to the intellectual limit, naturally. To some women, this way is a no-brainer. We as women may feel a particular way about someone else teaching our children. Not toward the teachers of course. They are just doing their jobs. Consider the stepmother, or the in-laws you do not get along with teaching your child one thing when you have either clearly taught them something else, or not at all. Yes, these parents still do exist.
  What we need are more responsible decisions being made about who we choose to lie down with to have these children. We must better prepare ourselves for this "parenting thing." We must be mindful of whom we are choosing to be fathers, mothers, partners, and the like to our children. We also need REAL men to stand up and acknowledge the fact that the children were conceived by both parents, or have been in a household with two parents, whether biological or not, and therefore should receive love, care, guidance, and lessons from both parents. And, if you are the spouse without children, but choose to be in a household where there are some, then you need to brace yourself for this long ride. You are in the children's lives by spending time with their parent...unless the parent does not believe in these types of behaviors initially. And, if you choose to do so, you also choose whether their well-being is of any consequence to you. If you are there physically, then you should be there mentally. Try to be mentally prepared to be enlightened as well as to enlighten these children.
   What we al-so need are for more mothers to be allowed to stay home with their children. This could possibly be a choice if the significant other makes enough income to cover the majority of the bills. This has to be a mutual decision, though. It has to be a decision made in the best interest of the children. We need more men with the frame of mind to take on a bit of responsibility. He doesn't mind as the children are getting  the help they need at home and it is reflected in their grades. We need more men to be the providers in the household, as they were in an earlier day and age. These children need their mothers. And, although there are jobs allowing mothers to stay home, they probably are not offering enough or it may be some sales scam.  Or, if the income permits, perhaps the father could either stay home and teach the children, or grab a part time gig in the meantime.
   Back then, women were happy to just make and take care of babies for their men. They wanted marriage and kids. For some reason, women's lib just omitted the fact that we are still women...WE JUST WANTED TO VOTE...along with a few more rights. We never said let's grow a "Peter," and take on all that men do. Women still need to be taken care of. We want to be held, loved, and treated like a lady. Just because we may take care of the household doesn't mean we want to take it all on. And, if we agree to take on most of it, then we would more than appreciate it if you, as a man would take it upon yourselves to help out more with the children.
  Nowadays, people have children by people they barely know. They do not look forward to getting married, mainly due to mistrust. They may meet each other and two months later, be expecting a baby, not knowing what to expect at all-not only from the other parent, but also from each other's families. Most couples don't make it past the club night-where they both just knew it was "magic." Some are just not cut out to raise children. People are afraid to get married because they are more afraid of divorce. And, some live by the motto, "It's Cheaper to Keep Her."
  What happened to the men who actually asked you out on a date? Where did they go? Where are those that cannot wait to be tied down by their high school sweethearts? Where are the men that actually attempted to impress your father just so as to gain his blessing in order to court his daughter? Where are the men that were raised in house full of women that have more respect for women than some women themselves? Where are the men that feel like less of a man when they cannot provide? I truly believe women's lib has been misinterpreted. We do not wish to be men or man-like. We just want to be treated equally in society from certain aspects. I mean, it really made no sense for women not being allowed to vote. And, what we were screaming with women's lib was...WE ARE JUST AS INTELLIGENT AS MEN, IF NOT MORE SO. SO, WHY ARE WE NOT ALLOWED THE FREEDOM TO VOTE? And, even if we do not mind taking care of the household, we ALL appreciate a little help while doing so. We need to address this issue with the children because they are our futures. But, if there is no one willing to step up to the plate and teach these children, then, we are already giving up. These children didn't ask to be here. We brought them into this. The least we can do is ensure they get a fair chance at a good education.
   And, mothers, we need to do whatever it is to get our children in check. If it takes a little extra help at home, then it shall be. Maybe we can get part time jobs in order to spend that little extra time with them during homework. Or, if you happen upon that special one that does not mind being with you and your kids, all while helping to teach them lessons, the difference between right and wrong, amongst other things, then you may have just lucked out! Otherwise, we as mothers will continue to be the nurses, chefs, firemen, teachers, and everything else to our children, while society blames us for the children's pitfalls, trauma, and dysfunctional behaviors. They also say, "Mama's baby, Daddy's maybe." This means the mother is always expected to be there no matter what. And, the Dad may be involved or not. Believe it or not, there are a chosen few  men out there who will take on the full responsibility of raising their kids. I happen to know of a few. They are the poster children for good fathers. They are few and far between thus far.
  And, if the pickings are truly no longer what some consider "slim," then again...WILL THE REAL MEN PLEASE STAND UP? Help nurture these children. Teach these children. Help provide food, clothing, and shelter for these children. Help us teach them life lessons. Give them hope. Let them know it's more important for them to be themselves than to be "cool." Tell them that peer pressure is a part of life and pressure busts pipes..but not in their case because they are built Ford Tough. Help them to see who they truly are and to believe in themselves regardless of what others may say or feel. Make them feel loved and let no one steal their childhood or joy for that matter. This is what life is all about. Let's live it to the fullest and take a bow to the REAL MEN STANDING!
 

The NERVE of U...

     Good early morning, people. I pray that your past few weeks have been blissful, to say the least.Well, it is 3:16 am and I am still up. Just came from Da Back Porch reminiscing about various conversations and situations I have happened upon lately. I had so many topics in my head at one point that I almost went mad! I suppose I need to write things down more often. That way, I can keep my ideas fresh.
   Well, ladies and gentlemen, as you may well know, I do not just believe in just bashing one sex any more than another on my blog. This is just the place where it all gets real and down to the nitty gritty...as my Aunt Jean used to say. So, here goes...
    So, what I want to know is where is this magical kingdom where people can go live for free. I am talking about the sons and daughters who live with their parents, that are not asked to pay bills, but stay content with  themselves living off of someone else's income.They want to be allowed to do everything in your house except pay a bill. They want to screw in your house, have parties, and invite others over while the house is not its cleanest. However, he/she pays NO BILLS! So, the only thing you need to be doing (as my child) in my household...is WHAT I SAY OR ASK OF YOU. Not only are they the brunt of this conversation, but as well are the significant others living with your mates, but continue to expect them to foot most of the bills because:
  a) he/she may have had the place before you came along, so you may feel if they paid it before me, they
  can darn well pay it while I am here..(Duh?...more people incur more bills at a residence.) And, this is not
  rocket science, people.
  b) or, he/she makes more than you, so you may feel he/she is responsible for most of the bills...(Ummm,                    
  that is certainly not fair considering that person may also have some personal bills they pay outside of the
  household bills), or,
  c) he/she may feel entitled to being fully taken care of-(And, ladies/gents, that may be cool as long as the
  person footing most of the bills is given a choice in the matter, and agrees to this).
  d) or even, that his/her significant other, as an individual owes him/her versus the feeling the entire world
  owes him/her
   Then, there's the mothers/fathers that may go live with one of their grown children (not because they are sick, or handicapped) but rather for them not making a real effort in keeping a place to live of their own). In this situation, if the grown child has a significant other in the home, the tension in the home could expand. If the parent feels threatened at times, by the significant other, it could be for many reasons, including just sheer jealousy. However, it is for this particular reason that you must address this issue. The mother/father could have a sense of entitlement, whereas, he/she feels her child owes him/her. Whoops, there goes the bill paying out of the window. He/she feels this is his/her child's house and they should not be made to pay bills. This could cause a serious riff in the parent- child relationship. Or, even worse, it could cause a riff in the relationship between the couple....(because at the end of the day, they'll be there in the same house after the parent is gone).  Unnecessary stressing is what this can lead to.
     And, here we go with the couples who fall on hard times. For the ones that keep pushing forward, that is what it is, and I respect your gangsta. For the ones that may have to go live with a friend for awhile, all the while, no one is around attempting to get a job. The couple is not paying any bills. They may/may not spend their EBT in your home...on your families, but they don't have a problem hiding their food and snacks whenever they may sneak back in from the grocery store. Or, they may feel like if you don't speak about a bill, they cease to exist. (This is sooooo not true).
   Let's get it together, people. This is beginning to get ridiculous! You cannot go live anywhere for FREE! Heck, where I live, you even pay to stay in a homeless shelter. Now, that is beyond me. We have dedicated mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, boyfriends, and girlfriends that are willing to take care of the household as long as they agree to these arrangements and are being fully appreciated. However, they should not have to do MOST of it or all alone. It's just not fair at all. We have to pay for electricity in order to see. We pay rent in order to have a roof over our heads. We pay a water bill in order to clean and drink. No one ever said this would be fun. But, the bottom line is it has to be done. BILLS MUST BE PAID!
   Not to mention, if you take more pride in yourself and decide the best way to live is to pay your own way, you can make anything happen. AGAIN, take me to this magical place where you all are living for free. Take me to this magical place where you don't even have to do as much as lift a finger in your parents' homes or in anyone else's home for that matter. Have some home training. If not, at least have some respect and morals for yourself. Like I said before...."the nerve of u."